Waste Time Efficiently

Friday, October 12, 2007

Two Great Tastes That Taste Great Together

The Reeses Peanut Butter Cup Mash-Up Awards!

There are too many examples of feebly attempted mash ups of old movies and TV shows with newer, hipper movies and TV shows. But when a really great editor finds innate connections in two seemingly disparate sources, the results can be mind-bendingly funny. So far most of the best ones use classic cartoons. They're certainly easier to sync up dialogue.

Reservoir Dogs is The Most Mashed movie source around. For Best Tarantino the winner is:

The Legion of Dogs

Posted Mar 29, 2005

Legion of Doom takes a tip from the Reservoir Dogs gang.



In the category of Two Sources That Have No Right To Be Mashed we have to admit that Napolean Dynamite and Fat Albert works too well to be ignored.

Fat Dynamite

Posted May 04, 2005

Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids have moved to Pocatello in this Napoleon Dynamite mashup, and they're saying "Vote For Pedro."



In the Non-Cartoon category for Best New Shows Mash the winner is: The Office Heroes:

The Office Heroes

Posted Feb 23, 2007

Dwight Schrute uncovers his secret powers in this mashup of NBC's The Office and Heroes.



The What's Up Tiger Lily Award for classic Mash-Up goes to this late 80's classic by the same people who brought you Apocalypse Pooh. It's raunchy mix of Blue Velvet and Peanuts Cartoons:



And finally, we have this Honorable Mention. The Justice League is back, as imagined by Mike Judge.

This Place Sucks

Posted Feb 24, 2005

Superfriends meets Office Space...another great mashup from Idiotwork.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Smoking Cartoons

Cartoon characters don't have to worry about lung cancer and heart disease. They should be able to smoke as much as they want.

Disney recently announced a ban on all cigarette smoking in their movies, so it seems a good time to remember that not that long ago even cartoon characters smoked.

Winston Cigarettes: The Flintstones

Smoking with the Flintstones! It's Fred and Barney in a TV spot from in the 1960s.



Of course, they weren't as enlightened back in the stone age. But in the fifties it was even alright to make cigarette commercials just for the kids.



Let us hope Disney does not go so far as to digitally remove Cruella DeVille's signature cigarette holder, and I leave you with this very appropriate clip.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

The Future In The Past

One of the funniest things about the past is the way it sees the future, or should I say, the way it fails to see the future.

How disappointed we should be that there aren’t jetpacks or flying cars buzzing around our cities.

Why are we still eating broccoli and potatoes when all the proteins and nutrients we need could so easily be reduced to a single pill? It’s depressing to realize we aren’t much closer to global peace and eradication of hunger, but what really sucks is that no one has invented a ray gun yet.

All our lasers can do is correct your myopia! Big whoop! I need to vaporize my enemies!





Here at the Retro Channel studios, in my leather-walled, plush velvet-carpeted, Lava lamp-lit viewing room, I think of myself as an historian.

I’m a researcher poring through the stacks for proof that the past was just as funny as the present and that the present is even funnier when we see our past.

I realize that last part doesn’t make any sense. But neither does the future! Because it’s both better and not as cool as we thought it was going to be in the past, which is why, in the 80’s we came to the realization that the future may very well suck.
And that’s pretty much the way we see the future today. Either we’ll live in burned-out cities full of zombies or be spread out through the galaxy being hunted down by demons of our own design. It’s gonna be awesome!

On the Retro Channel we say that if you don’t remember the past it will be repeated and you won’t even realize it!

So, let’s see what all those people who are mostly-dead-now were up to. Roll the videos, Dick.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

An Ode To The Doozers.

Fraggle Rock was a great show. Fact. Jim Henson was at the height of his game and nothing beat getting up on a Saturday morning, pouring a fat bowl of cereal and sitting in front of the TV. “Dance your cares away”…



Fraggle Rock has given us memorable characters such as Uncle Traveling Matt, the Trash-heap (has spoken) and Sprocket the dog. And then there were the doozers.

Doozers are six inch high green working class heroes. A doozers outfit is not complete without his hardhat and work boots, doozers work construction. doozers are the polar opposite of those damn hippy fraggles.



Doozers spend their day building, constructing and working. fraggles spent their day running around being hippies, ‘sharing dreams’ and eating the doozer buildings. Doozers were hard working real men whilst fraggles were namby-pamby flower children.

If I was a doozer I would have killed me some fraggles.

Just sayin.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Pavarotti and James Brown

This is one of the greatest live performances i have ever seen. Proper goosebumps material. Recorded 2006, Both men were well past their prime and in the words of Frank Sinatra approaching "the September of their years" but GOD DAMN! they nailed this one.




Look at the James' face while Pavarotti is singing. Check out Luciano smile and nod his head in affirmation as Brown turns it out.

Two legends of our time together for a true historic moment.

RIP Luciano Pavarotti

RIP James Brown

Popp'n Culture Cherry

Boom Chicago

80s ninja movies rule.

Most of my 80s time was spent either playing arcade games (Altered Beast represent!) or making shuriken (thats a ninja throwing star for the uninitiated) and throwing them at my friends. And then we watched ninja movies.

Ninja movies in the 80s followed a familiar formula:

Our hero has a background in either the martial arts or the military. Badguys hire some bad ninjas to kidnap his girl/friend/family/master and he must soul search before opening a case he keeps that contains his ninja suit (that is a different color to the bad ninjas).

He then opens a fat can off whoop-ass on the bad ninjas, ends up fighting the big boss at the endand rescuing the hostage.

So, not much different from the video game plots either.

By far one of the best 80s ninja movies is American Ninja.

B-movie superstar Michael Dudikofff plays our hero Joe Armstrong (Rambo Ninja) who is (wait for it) an orphaned amnesiac rebel drifter.(Rad)




Joe finds himself on an American Army base in the Philippines after a judge gives him a choice of enlistment or prison. The base comes under repeated attacks by local ninjas (local ninjas! RAD!)who are after the military equipment that their leader, Ortega, plans to sell to the highest bidder.

Ortega’s top henchman is Black Star Ninja,(Rad) who runs a training camp to train Ortega's private ninja army.(RAD!) In the end, Joe must use his secret martial arts skills to defeat the bad guys and rescue his girlfriend, with the help of his new buddies in the army and his long-lost mentor.

HOW RAD IS THAT?!

And then there is the cheesiest of all 80s ninja movies: Ninja Terminator.

With a title like that, how can you go wrong?

Here is the final fight scene featuring camouflage ninja (Rad) (played by Tom Selleck wannabe Richard Harrison) taking on the evil red ninja in order to reassemble the golden ninja warrior for the good of the ninja empire.

Read that again: 'in order to reassemble the golden ninja warrior for the good of the ninja empire'. RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!!




Richard Harrison also appeared in Ninja Squad as what can only be described as big gay ninja. He fights McDonalds ninja in the final scene. (Not Rad).

THEY BOTH WEAR HEADBANDS THAT SAY 'NINJA' RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!!!!!




80s Ninjas rule.

Popp'n Culture Cherry

Boom Chicago

The Problem With Music

Steve Albini. You might recognise the name. He is a record producer/engineer, he has worked with Nirvana, the Stooges, The Pixies and a bunch of other bands that rule. Why am i telling you this? Because he has written this weeks blog.

Well actually he wrote a piece that i have cut and pasted. (do you really think i know Steve Albini? really?) It is called 'The Problem With Music' And i consider this required reading for the cool kids.

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The Problem With Music.

Whenever I talk to a band who are about to sign with a major label, I always end up thinking of them in a particular context. I imagine a trench, about four feet wide and five feet deep, maybe sixty yards long, filled with runny, decaying shit.

I imagine these people, some of them good friends, some of them barely acquaintances, at one end of this trench. I also imagine a faceless industry lackey at the other end holding a fountain pen and a contract waiting to be signed. Nobody can see what's printed on the contract. It's too far away, and besides, the shit stench is making everybody's eyes water. The lackey shouts to everybody that the first one to swim the trench gets to sign the contract.

Everybody dives in the trench and they struggle furiously to get to the other end. Two people arrive simultaneously and begin wrestling furiously, clawing each other and dunking each other under the shit. Eventually, one of them capitulates, and there's only one contestant left. He reaches for the pen, but the Lackey says "Actually, I think you need a little more development. Swim again, please. Backstroke". And he does of course.

Every major label involved in the hunt for new bands now has on staff a high-profile point man, an "A & R" rep who can present a comfortable face to any prospective band. The initials stand for "Artist and Repertoire." because historically, the A & R staff would select artists to record music that they had also selected, out of an available pool of each. This is still the case, though not openly.

These guys are universally young [about the same age as the bands being wooed], and nowadays they always have some obvious underground rock credibility flag they can wave. Lyle Preslar, former guitarist for Minor Threat, is one of them. Terry Tolkin, former NY independent booking agent and assistant manager at Touch and Go is one of them. Al Smith, former soundman at CBGB is one of them. Mike Gitter, former editor of XXX fanzine and contributor to Rip, Kerrang and other lowbrow rags is one of them. Many of the annoying turds who used to staff college radio stations are in their ranks as well. There are several reasons A & R scouts are always young. The explanation usually copped-to is that the scout will be "hip to the current musical "scene."

A more important reason is that the bands will intuitively trust someone they think is a peer, and who speaks fondly of the same formative rock and roll experiences. The A & R person is the first person to make contact with the band, and as such is the first person to promise them the moon. Who better to promise them the moon than an idealistic young turk who expects to be calling the shots in a few years, and who has had no previous experience with a big record company.

Hell, he's as naive as the band he's duping. When he tells them no one will interfere in their creative process, he probably even believes it. When he sits down with the band for the first time, over a plate of angel hair pasta, he can tell them with all sincerity that when they sign with company X, they're really signing with him and he's on their side. Remember that great gig I saw you at in '85? Didn't we have a blast. By now all rock bands are wise enough to be suspicious of music industry scum.

There is a pervasive caricature in popular culture of a portly, middle aged ex-hipster talking a mile-a-minute, using outdated jargon and calling everybody "baby." After meeting "their" A & R guy, the band will say to themselves and everyone else, "He's not like a record company guy at all! He's like one of us." And they will be right. That's one of the reasons he was hired. These A & R guys are not allowed to write contracts.

What they do is present the band with a letter of intent, or "deal memo," which loosely states some terms, and affirms that the band will sign with the label once a contract has been agreed on. The spookiest thing about this harmless sounding little memo, is that it is, for all legal purposes, a binding document.

That is, once the band signs it, they are under obligation to conclude a deal with the label. If the label presents them with a contract that the band don't want to sign, all the label has to do is wait. There are a hundred other bands willing to sign the exact same contract, so the label is in a position of strength. These letters never have any terms of expiration, so the band remain bound by the deal memo until a contract is signed, no matter how long that takes. The band cannot sign to another laborer or even put out its own material unless they are released from their agreement, which never happens.

Make no mistake about it: once a band has signed a letter of intent, they will either eventually sign a contract that suits the label or they will be destroyed.

Read the rest Here

Popp'n Culture Cherry

Boom Chicago