The Future In The Past

One of the funniest things about the past is the way it sees the future, or should I say, the way it fails to see the future.

How disappointed we should be that there aren’t jetpacks or flying cars buzzing around our cities.

Why are we still eating broccoli and potatoes when all the proteins and nutrients we need could so easily be reduced to a single pill? It’s depressing to realize we aren’t much closer to global peace and eradication of hunger, but what really sucks is that no one has invented a ray gun yet.

All our lasers can do is correct your myopia! Big whoop! I need to vaporize my enemies!





Here at the Retro Channel studios, in my leather-walled, plush velvet-carpeted, Lava lamp-lit viewing room, I think of myself as an historian.

I’m a researcher poring through the stacks for proof that the past was just as funny as the present and that the present is even funnier when we see our past.

I realize that last part doesn’t make any sense. But neither does the future! Because it’s both better and not as cool as we thought it was going to be in the past, which is why, in the 80’s we came to the realization that the future may very well suck.
And that’s pretty much the way we see the future today. Either we’ll live in burned-out cities full of zombies or be spread out through the galaxy being hunted down by demons of our own design. It’s gonna be awesome!

On the Retro Channel we say that if you don’t remember the past it will be repeated and you won’t even realize it!

So, let’s see what all those people who are mostly-dead-now were up to. Roll the videos, Dick.